I met a man on OK Cupid and we started exchanging messages. He had a dog, and I have a dog, so we immediately bonded. We texted some pictures back and forth of our pups, and then decided to get together. We went on a few dates, and they were pretty fun. He seemed like a pretty nice guy.

For our next date, he came over with his dog. The dog’s name was Finch, which is a great name for a dog. Finch was cute, but also young and a little crazy. He made Buckley seem old and sedate. We, uh, went into my bedroom for a bit, and, when we came back out, someone had peed on the floor.

“Someone peed on the floor,” I said.

“It wasn’t my dog,” he said.

Now, neither of us had seen who peed. But let’s take a guess. Who is more likely to pee on the floor of my kitchen? My dog, who is there every day? Or the dog who was in a strange place and probably a little anxious?

I was kind of annoyed at his insistence that it wasn’t his dog, but I cleaned up the puddle anyway. It’s gross enough to clean up your own dog’s pee, but cleaning up another dog’s pee is roughly a million times more unpleasant.

We hung out a little bit longer, and then I was tired. I invited him to stay the night. He had brought his dog’s crate, because we had talked about that possibility. I put Buckley in his crate, and he put Finch in his. We got into bed. And then Finch started barking incessantly.

It was after midnight. I live in a building with other people, most notably, my landlord. I could not have a dog barking all night. So, after a few minutes of barking, I told the man that, if he couldn’t get his dog to be quiet, he would have to leave.

He flipped out on me. He told me that I was a bitch who had told him he could spend the night and now was taking it back. He said that his dog was his dog, and I had to accept that. He was actually yelling at me. And then I really, really wanted him out of my apartment. I told him to get out, and take his dog, and please leave me alone in the future.

He did.