Hello fellow quadriphiles,

I’ve been asked by the lovely red-haired lady who runs this blog to write a post about my experience with a spontaneous orgy, so here I am. This will be a story about how even the most rectangular, awkward, nerdy boys deserve a sexy time once in awhile.

[I have to preface this with the fact that I am a gay man–and yes, I would like to confirm that every gay man loves a good orgy; it’s basically written into our DNA or whatever. We all like glitter, crop tops, roller discos, Cher, and orgies.]

So once upon a time, a little gay boy went to a reddit meetup for gays who like video games. He had been to a few in the past–and had made some good friends, don’t get me wrong–but they were almost always super boring. Nerds are nerds, really–even if they like dick they still often wear oversized graphic tees with cargo shorts, sit relatively far from each other and giggle when the idea of drinking beer together is brought to the table.

Anyway, this time promised to be a little more interesting, because it was being hosted at a particularly slutty gay’s apartment. Plus, it was in Alphabet City so if the nerds decided to play Apples to Apples or whatever on a fucking Saturday night your hero figured he could slip out and find a grizzly man to make out with in the East Village. Also the party host really liked weed so there was always the promise of getting super high. Gays love drugs.

When the little gay boy arrived, sure enough the nerds were playing cards, though it was Cards Against Humanity, which is pretty raunchy, to be honest. He quickly scanned the room for hotties, found a few, and decided to stay. A couple of weirdos tried to talk him up, but he wasn’t having it. He was after that good D and wasn’t gonna settle for no one.

As boring as these parties usually are, one must admit that gays are still gays, and there are always two that end up sloppily making out. So when that happened at this party, it didn’t seem out of the ordinary or particularly scandalous. The difference was that this time the pair took off their shirts and were really going at it. The room was rife with sexual tension–it was clear none of these guys had gotten D in a long time, and seeing these two go at it was sort of inspiring.

Unfortunately then one of the two guys threw up and ran to the bathroom, passing out on the floor and killing the mood for everyone.

Seriously, these gaymers can’t fucking hold their liquor.

The room collectively went into mother hen mode (gays are very maternal), and took care of the drunken slut, laying him on his side and putting a bucket next to him in case he needed to vom. Surprisingly, though, the party just went on with him laying there.

It only took a few minutes for a massage train to start–these gays were eager to pick that sexual tension right back up out of the toilet it was so violently expelled into. At this point Big Dick Joe (thus named because of his infamous 10-incher) took off his shirt. Shirts flew off and massages became more and more sensual, d’s became more and more erect, hands went from shoulders to butts.

It must be noted, dear readers, that there is this magical space between the subtle suggestions of an orgy and the full-fledged fuckfest it becomes, where half or so of the participants are mostly nude, aggressively groping each other, while the other half is still clothed, watching, wondering if this is actually going to go all the way. Your hero loves that space, and enjoyed watching as more and more nerdy guys shed their ugly-ass cargo shorts and pulled out actually pretty nice dicks. It’s remarkable how people this super awkward and socially maladjusted can still be incredibly sexy and really good at giving head.

Anyway, after a while your hero took off his clothes and said, “I guess this is where the night is going,” receiving a room-wide chuckle mixed in with the slurps of fellatio and the moans of nipple biting. The party host brought out his bong and everything afterwards is just a blur.

Before I sign off, though, I would like to bring your attention back to that poor boy who threw up and passed out on the bed. What do you think became of him? Well, the lil slugger awoke to a room full of sweaty naked dudes and proclaimed, “Of all the things to pass out and miss, why it gotta be an orgy?” Luckily the action wasn’t yet nearing climax and he ran to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and washed himself off, only to dive right into the sea of geek flesh.

Happy endings for all.

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