I met the Jazz Musician at a cafe in Park Slope. I like that cafe because they have gluten-free ham and cheese crepes. I got there really early, so I drank coffee and read until he showed up.

He, like most men on OKCupid, was two or three inches shorter than he said he was. I had already gone shorter than my preferences – he listed himself as 5’7, but he was barely 5’5. He also had a shaved head, which I knew beforehand and tried to be ok with, but it was really hard. I like hair.

I knew as soon as I met him that I wasn’t attracted to him, but I wanted to try. I turned on the charm. It worked. We talked about really interesting stuff – Billie Holiday, jazz in general, history. He was super into it. I appreciate that – it wasn’t that I was being difficult, it was that I was smart and he liked being around a smart woman. Unfortunately, I could talk circles around him, and it wasn’t really fun for me. I was just introducing more thoughtful ideas than he was.

He was a really sweet guy, though. He wound up coming over and we drank wine. We’ve already acknowledged that I’m stupid about letting people come over, but this guy was ok. He told me he was uncomfortable around women because he was afraid to be a predator. We talked about rape culture – seriously, a man who not only acknowledged but wanted to talk about rape culture! I just straight up wasn’t attracted to him. And I wasn’t sure that he was clever enough to keep up with me.

“Kisses?” he asked when he left.

I gave him a little kiss and he walked out.

The next day, he texted me.

“Hey, how are you?” he said.

I told him I was doing well, and that I had had a great time the night before, but I just didn’t feel a spark. I told him I’d love to hang out again anyway, but he never responded. It was a mildly disappointing date, rather than fucking irritating – he was a lovely guy, just not for me. And I do sincerely wish him the best. I hope he finds a slightly less smart intellectual to be sweet to.

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