I went on a date the other night that I’m not gonna write about. I’ll just tell you that I got way too drunk and burst into drunken tears in the guy’s arms. He was very nice about it, but I’m still too mortified to write about it.

Before that date, however, I was sitting at the bar with my friend. A guy sat down next to us and told us he had just moved to Brooklyn. We were friendly to him, and I gave him a cigarette before he left. I asked him if he was at all interested in walking my dog for me, and took his number when he said yes.

In a few minutes, he texted me.

“Hey it’s [name]. You are real cute btw.”

I showed it to my friend and laughed.

Then my date was a disaster and I woke up the next morning very hungover and very embarrassed. The guy texted me the next morning. We texted a little bit.

“I have a six-pack of PBR tall boys and food to cook tonight and no one to share it with. You should let me make you dinner tonight. I’d like that.”

I had no memory of what he looked like, but I figured I could use the self-esteem boost and distraction. I suggested we get lunch instead.

He was cute, if a little clean cut. We sat down and ordered food. It seemed to be going well.

And then he started talking. He told me he was really into skateboarding.

“Skating is like jazz,” he said. “It’s like this creative riff on life. You go down a street once, and you just see it as it is. And then you go down it again, and it’s like, totally different. You see all these new ways to skate it.”

“Mmhmm,” I said.

He talked about skateboarding and jazz and how he missed Colorado for an hour and a half straight. He told me he was going to get his friend to FedEx him some good pot and acid and shrooms.

“Don’t get caught,” I said. “That’s a federal crime.”

Sometimes he did try to ask me questions about myself, but I’d get a sentence in, and then he’d go back to talking about himself. Eventually, I stopped trying to participate, and ordered a margarita.

I went to the bathroom, and, when I came back, he had paid for my lunch. It was very sweet. He walked me home.

He texted me a few minutes later.

“That was fun,” he said. “We should do that again sometime soon.”

“Sure,” I said, and then reveled in my dog’s silence.