I woke up last night at 4 am to an email asking me to approve this comment:

i think it’s bad to judge fat people especially if you’re fat yourself. i think people would treat you better if you lost the weight and the pessimistic attitude that comes with it, otherwise embrace the fact that with your current weight you need to seriously lower your standards. attractive people don’t like ugly snobs, and frankly you’re about as ugly and snobby as a fat person can get.

It was posted by “Anonymous,” at “anonymous@anonymous.com.”

I was anticipating the first line. It’s true, talking about how fat someone is isn’t very nice. I sometimes exaggerate how much of a dick I really am for the sake of good blogging. But then the comment devolved into ad hominem attacks. I especially enjoyed the psychoanalysis – guys, I’m pessimistic because I’m fat. Clearly this person didn’t know me in high school, when I was 93 pounds and just as goddamn negative.

Here’s the thing, dear readers.

The next time one of you wants to call me fat, or tell me I’m a snob, or any of those very helpful things – do it like a man. I know, I know. It’s totally appropriate. This is a blog about shitty men, and here’s one more sad little baby sheep who can’t muster up the courage to express himself in an authentic or erudite way. That’s not what it is, though. I’m not irritated by the name calling. Call me fat all you want. Just do it with some goddamn courage.

Honestly, I’m kind of flattered. I feel like I’ve made it. After all, famous people get this sort of shit all the time. Just look at the tabloids. I’m officially important enough for this person to take time out of his busy schedule to write a scathing response to my silly blog about the dumb boys I run into.

Guys, I’ve hit the bigtime. I have haters. Thanks, Anonymous. You made my night.

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