I haven’t really been into dating lately. Generally, my conundrum has come down to, “Would I rather be out on a lame date right now, or at home with my dog, or out with my friends?” The answer has never been “lame date.” But I just knew my dear readers were floundering with no new material, so I took one for the team.

I met this guy on OK Cupid. I was immediately interested because he was wearing a cardigan in every one of his pictures. Us cardigan people gots to stick together. We talked for a little bit. I realized, through his questions, that he seemed to be kind of religious (!) and had been married before (!!), so I obviously had to go on a date with him to probe through these issues.

We met up for tacos. He was pretty cute, just seemed a little bit shy. He was wearing a cute turquoise cardigan. We started talking. I kept waiting for the assumed shyness to wear off, and for a conversation to kick off. There aren’t many people I can’t strike up a good conversation with, even if I’m not interested in ever seeing them again. But it just wasn’t happening. I asked him about his marriage, and even that wasn’t too interesting. He had met a woman when he was working at Disneyworld (sounds good, right?), they dated for 9 months, and then got married at 23. This is the stuff of my dreams, guys. I love young-failed-marriage stories. But this one was boring. I asked him about his seeming religiosity, and he told me about how he left the church recently. I love religion stories. I’m fascinated by faith and the loss of it. But the way he spun it, it was just boring. I tried to bring up my go-to religion discussion topic – the book of Job – but even Job couldn’t spice up our conversation. It was just plain boring.

After tacos, and a drink at my favorite bar, I was done. I tried really hard. I was my usual charming self, but there was just no chemistry whatsoever. Not even a little bit of conversational chemistry. Nothing. He was just, well, dull. So I used my tried and true excuse.

“I have to go let the dog out,” I said.

Friends, if I ever tell you I need to walk my dog, and I don’t invite you to come with me, or offer to get together again afterward, I am probably trying to get rid of you. Take it personally.

I walked the guy out of the bar, pretended to head home, and then went back inside to meet my friends for a drink. Sigh. Boring evening.