One of my favorite things on OKCupid is trying to find out how long someone will still keep talking to me after I’ve tried to convince them that they won’t like me.

Someone will message me who I’m not interested in. Maybe they like camping, or something. Maybe they’re vegan.

“Trust me,” I’ll respond. “You won’t like me. I’m high maintenance. And kind of a pain in the ass.”

Usually, they continue to protest until I get bored with the conversation and stop replying. There are a lot of guys who respond positively to women being kind of mean to them, even rejecting them in a nasty way, which I don’t totally understand. Maybe it’s the challenge.

“I’ve dated Israeli girls,” someone will say. Another person: “I like high maintenance.”

And then, sometimes, someone who I may be interested in messages me. We chat for a bit. And then they say, “You seem smart/interesting/cool, but I think you’re too much for me.”

I am not at all insulted by that. Because they’re probably right.

am a lot. And if you are overwhelmed by me already? You are definitely right. I am most certainly too much for you. And you made the right decision. Some people don’t realize it until they meet me in person, even date me for a little bit – that, even though I express it pretty clearly on my profile, I’m not kidding when I say I’m intense and kinda difficult and pretty high-maintenance.

And I’ve found that there are men who are into that. Usually they’re Jewish (or Italian) and grew up surrounded by strong, intense women. We don’t scare them. They know how to handle us and to let a lot of our intensity roll off their backs. Sometimes they’re goys who are absolutely enthralled by Bitches With Attitude, although they don’t necessarily know what they’re getting into.

So, men, if your instinct is that I’m “too much”? You’re probably right. No hard feelings. Go on your way, find someone nicer than I am, and be well.

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