On my OKCupid profile, I (of course) have a list of dealbreakers. One of them is “voluntourism.” Another is “vegans.” And another important dealbreaker is “camping.” It’s a pretty clearly stated list, and explicitly labeled “dealbreakers.”

So, today, I got a message from this guy. He was cute, he seemed perfectly interesting and likable, so I responded.

Soon, he started engaging me on camping. Like, asked several questions about why I liked it, etc. I sent a few responses along the lines of, “What? Fuck no, I hate camping.” And then I realized – he had skimmed my profile, and so summarily that he thought that my explicit list of dealbreakers was a list of interests. Even though it literally says “Dealbreakers” in front of it.

So I said, “Wait a minute. You’re making it painfully obvious that you didn’t pay any attention to what I wrote on my profile at all.”

And he responded:

“Is the idea that someone thoroughly reads your profile a turn on?”

My response was “What? Seriously?”

And then, “It’s kind of just a basic respect thing.”

Finally, he tried to save himself:

“That’s interesting, I see what you mean. To be honest I don’t really give much thought to profiles, I’d much rather find out about you through talking. It feels more natural.”

Except, you did read my profile, and tried to use it to flirt with me, only you hadn’t even made the effort to pay attention to a thing I’d written. Why did you message me? Definitely not because of anything I said about myself, since you clearly got the exact opposite impression of who I am. So that leaves my charming smile and my rockin’ bod.

Which I’m glad you appreciate, friend. But I think I’ll stick with trying to find someone who at least makes the effort to pretend it’s not all about my tits.

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