I got a message on OKCupid from this guy who was super, super excited and into me from the start.


That’s right. Butterflies. Yes, please.

I asked him what he had liked about me, because who doesn’t love an ego boost?

And he was appropriately hairy, allegedly. He told me he had just shaved off his beard, but it was on its way back.


There was more, too. He lived a few blocks away from me. We both loved John Mulaney (who I wish would leave his wife for me). And he was effusive about liking me from the start.

And then it got annoying.

That first night, he asked if I wanted to come over and make out. I said no.

Then, a day or two later, we were texting, and he asked the same question.

“Listen,” I said. “I’d like to meet you and get to know you a little bit before making out is on the table.”

“Understood,” he said.

But like, clearly it wasn’t understood. Because he refused to respond whenever I tried to set a date.

I sent him one last text.

“Come on dude. Work with me here. You can’t just ask me to make out a bunch of times and not respond when I ask for a date.”

He did not acknowledge it. So much for being into all the great things about me. Looks like being smart and liking pocket notebooks didn’t matter so much, compared to the make outs.

Advertisements